she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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