I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize