need another drink. this is the easiest way
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
