The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize