So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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