You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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