they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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