My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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