you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
