I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize