I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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