I cockslap morals
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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