he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
