Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
