I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
