My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize