When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
