is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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