Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
