were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
