We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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