She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
