well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
