the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
