i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
