I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
