Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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