we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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