Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
