Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
