i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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