Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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