I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm passing your future prison.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
