I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel great
I just peed on a car
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
