i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
