why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i came on her dog
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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