Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
