i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
