He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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