so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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