how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
