The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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