Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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