Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
