you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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