I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
