I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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