Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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