Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
