TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
