Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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