well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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