Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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