i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
birth control should be required to get into college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize