i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
