Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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