good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
