did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
