is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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