JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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