I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
