Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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