I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
