Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
