you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
