THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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