And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
this boner is exhausting
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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