The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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