I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
