I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
