Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
