can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize