he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Randomize
