I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
