On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
