oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
