his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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