the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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