It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
