i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize