i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
