He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
