I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
