I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
bring money and cleavage
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
