At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
