I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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