I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
