home. puking in laundry basket.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
