We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
