That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
