It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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