Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize