did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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