we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize