Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
