The maid of honor just puked.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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