I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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