that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize