I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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