It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
