dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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