Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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