Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
